Tattyfilarious: 17 of Ken Dodd’s best gags

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Comedy tale Sir Ken Dodd, who has died when justin was 90 , was the irrepressible learn of quick-fire one liners that will left audiences in stitches. Here are a few of his best:

1 . “My dad knew I used to be going to be a comedian. When I was obviously a baby, he said, ‘Is this particular a joke? ‘”

second . “I love my girlfriend, the girlfriend loves me. She enjoys my hair, she loves my own eyes, she loves my teeth. The girl loves my teeth because Now i am the only person that can peel a good orange through a tennis racket. inch

3. “I don’t have spoken to my mother-in-law for 1 . 5 years. I don’t like to interrupt the girl. ”

4. “My act is extremely educational. I heard a man leaving behind the other night, saying: ‘Well, that trained me a lesson. ‘”

5. “The man who developed cats’ eyes got the idea whenever he saw the eyes of the cat in his headlights. If the kitty had been going the other way, he’d have invented the pencil sharpener. ”

6. In the famous tax fraud trial: “I told the Inland Revenue We didn’t owe them a penny mainly because I lived near the seaside. inch

7. On his race live shows: “You think you can get aside, but you can’t. I’ll follow a person home and I’ll shout humor through your letterbox. ”

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8. “Do I believe within safe sex? Of course I do. Excellent handrail around the bed. ”

9. “I’m a intercourse symbol – I am a sexual intercourse symbol for women who don’t treatment. ”

10. “I do all the exercises every early morning in front of the television – up, straight down, up, down, up, down. Then your other eyelid. ”

11. “I did 25 a few minutes running on the spot this morning – I had developed my braces caught in the banister. ”

12. On the Royal Variety Performance: “This market tonight represents the creme sobre la creme. That’s French regarding evaporated milk. ”

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13. On nearing his 80th birthday: “Age won’t matter, unless you are a cheese. inch

14. “Did anybody in our wildest dreams ever believe we’d live long enough to see the finish of the DFS sale? ”

15. “I wanted to take those dog to obedience class however it wouldn’t go. ”

16. “Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn’s night club? He pulled a mussel. inch

17. “So as it happens that if you bang two halves of a horse together, it doesn’t associated with sound of a coconut. ”

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